Does your life lack meaning?
Joni was advised to see a counselor by her doctor. The reason was there was no medical reason why she was experiencing chronic fatigue. The cause seemed to be emotional, and she sought help in discovering that cause.
Joni was a successful marketing consultant, in a loving marriage for 19 years. Superficially, everything in her life was fine; she had enough money, great friends, a secure job and a fantastic relationship. But, each morning she awoke, she was fatigued and depressive.
Kevin went looking for help because he just felt so empty inside. Kevin, a successful manufacturing clerk, had a good marriage two school going children. But like Joni, everything seemed fine on the surface, yet David’s feeling of emptiness drove him to overeat, overspend, and over indulge in other activities that were demeaning to his self-worth.
Although Joni and Kevin were both successful in their work, neither of them loved their work. They worked to make money, but their working meant little to them. Yet, when both these people looked inside, they could not discover what did have meaning for them. They both claimed that they had never experienced a sense of meaning in their adult lives. Both claim that emptiness and depression had been with them since their teens.
As, their counseling sessions progressed, it became evident that each of these two people had decided early in their lives to shut down their feelings to avoid the unbearable pain of loneliness and rejection that both had experienced. Joni’s mother would say that she loved her, but she never felt loved, she felt as though her mother was always tugging at her, trying to suck the life out of her. As a sensitive child, she couldn’t handle the confusion she was experiencing, so she decided to put her feelings away and live rather from the inside of her mind.
Kevin, also being a sensitive child, decided to shut down because he could not tolerate the loneliness of being with two emotionally unavailable parents, as well as the loneliness and rejection of his peers.
Both Kevin and Joni are still shut down from their feelings, both still afraid to face the pain of loneliness and rejection. Unfortunately it is a feeling that is part of everyday life.
Loneliness is experienced when the heart is closed to others or visa-versa, when there is no one with whom to share love. It is primarily felt when we want to connect to another and the other is not a available.
We all at some time or another experience moments of loneliness throughout the day, most people, however, never aware of it, because the moment a slight bit of emotional pain is felt, they move immediately to various addictions and addictive behaviours, such as, substances, activities, thoughts, shame and blame. But when we shut out pain, we also shut out joy as well as a passionate sense of purpose in our lives.
Pain as well as joy is in the same pack. Joni and Kevin could not discover what had meaning for them and what brings them joy because of the suppression of their feelings, this suppression was creating the depression and the inner emptiness they were experiencing.
Our refusal to feel and take responsibility for our own pain is an inner abandonment and results in anxiety, depression, and/or inner emptiness.
Learning to manage the pain of loneliness is essential to discovering your passion and purpose. There is no way of managing loneliness without a deep and personal connection to a spiritual source of love and wisdom. We cannot manage loneliness from our mind alone.
You will find deep meaning in your life when you decide to open and learn from your feelings of loneliness, rather than continue to shut them down. And you will open to these feelings only when you do not feel alone inside due to experiencing the love and wisdom of your own inner Guidance.
Opening yourself up to Love and opening yourself to your feelings will bring you the fullness, joy, passion and purpose that are the yearnings of your soul.
